Chasing College Acceptances. Driven By Parents Or Teens?
We are our own individuals, with our own strengths and interests, and it’s important for us to pursue what makes us happy, rather than what others think is best for us.
As a 16-year-old high school student, I know firsthand how stressful college acceptance season can be. I am a Sophomore, my sister is a Senior and she just received college acceptance. I watched the whole admissions preparation process and also the thrilling outcome when she received an offer from her “ED” dream school. But for so many, this isn’t the case and the stress pre- and post- decisions is immense.
It feels like peers around me have talked about their top-choice schools for years already, and it feels like there’s so much riding on where I end up going. Sometimes choices are driven by family legacy, sometimes by programs that suit our passions, sometimes reputation, and a whole host of other reasons. But all too often, the pressure to succeed academically isn’t just coming from within ourselves – it’s coming from external forces.
I understand that parents and educators want their students to do well in school, but now it feels like there’s even more pressure than ever before. Acceptance is increasingly competitive, students feel commoditized, applications are hauntingly impressive and extra curricular activities are borderline heroic. Somehow, we take this pressure and forget that we need to tap into our authentic passions and be confident about who we are and what we want.
External pressures aren’t always healthy or productive. As much as others want us to succeed, it’s important for them to also support our inner goals and dreams without putting too much emphasis on the outcome. We are our own individuals, with our own strengths and interests, and it’s important for us to pursue what makes us happy, rather than what others think is best for us.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by expectations, there are a few things I experienced that might help you cope. I watched my sister communicate really clearly and articulate when she felt stress, where she needed support and also if she felt overly questioned. She was open and honest about her goals and how she planned to achieve them, but took input from my parents. There were boundaries set on both sides, she told them when she needed some space and they told her if they felt like she wasn’t living up to the goals she had set for herself. The most important thing of all, was that the goals stemmed from a place of truth and only she could decide what they were.
It’s important to have people in your life who can support your goals and help you manage the pressure and stress. And as you set them, most importantly, remember your worth. Your value isn’t determined by where you go to college or how well you perform academically, athletically or artistically. College is an important goal for many, but it is not the only measure of success.
You are a unique individual with your own strengths, accomplishments and contributions to give to your community. With a little support and self-care, we can all set and navigate chapters of our life and come out stronger on the other side. College or no college.